This thinking about the past has me going over several different aspects of my life. Can’t think about life and not think about ex-boyfriends–the good ones and the ones I never wished I would have ever let enter into my life. But life is about lessons. I was about to type a brand new post however a previous entry basically says what I was thinking about earlier today when it came to exes.

Birthday Countdowns

Have you ever broken up with a guy and then days, weeks, or months later gotten back together? Did anything change that second time around? As I look back on the times that I went back to an ex, I realize now that in most cases, it was a huge mistake. After awhile, one or both of us was back to doing whatever it was that caused us to break up in the first place.

There was a time I was “so in love” with this particular guy that we had this on again/off again relationship for a few years. The last and final time we broke up, I FINALLY realized that he was like a bad habit–hard to get rid of. To break that unhealthy cycle, I couldn’t put the blame on him, but did some self-reflection. I had to love me more and realize that it was unhealthy to be in a “yo-yo” type relationship. It wasn’t easy at first, but one day became a week and the next thing you know–it’s years later.

I don’t regret the decision I made to end things with him that final time because once I let go and didn’t allow him back into my life, my life was so much better. He had not months, but several years to show me that he was the man for me. Although he supposedly was hurting when I made that decision to end it, he no longer tried to convince me othewise.

I’ve been in other relationships since then and there were times I was tempted to GO BACK with an EX, but I didn’t. One lesson I learned is that AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON and should remain an EX.

I know it’s easier in this day and age to deal with someone you have history with than meeting someone new. With someone new, you don’t know what you’re going to get. But then on the other hand, with an EX, you do know what you’re getting and remember there’s a reason why they are an EX. So is it really worth your peace of mind, just to say that you’re in a relationship? If I were to answer for myself, I would say “NO.” Being free of an EX is freeing you up to learn more about yourself–taking time to love yourself more–and possibly opening the door for love from the person that God has for you.

To all my exes (yes some of them live in Texas…get it, “all my exes live in Texas”…okay corny joke…lol), thanks for the lessons.

Here are a few songs I listened to while I reminisced.

Lauryn Hill - The Ex-Factor live.

Tamia - A Stranger in my House

Deborah Cox - It’s Over Now

Destiny’s Child - Survivor Live

10 Things I’m Digging Right Now

1. My new hair color–I’m a blond. Seriously…but since my natural hair color is jet black, a shade of blond (can’t remember the shade) was used to get my hair to change to auburn. I’m in auburn bliss
2. My new Dooney. I had my eye on it for a hot minute; besides I deserved it. There’s nothing wrong with spoiling yourself.  Whether I’m going casual or dressy, it goes with everything.
3. The new look in my bedroom. Burgandy and gold–love the combination of colors from the bed to the curtains.
4. My silver metalic pumps that goes well with any outfit I choose to wear–whether a dress or jeans.
5. Two words - “the end” because that means I’ve finished another manuscript.
6. My new pen name. After months of trying to figure out what my pen name should be, two friends brainstormed with me and the pen name sounds perfect.
7.  People who leave comments on my blog.  It lets me know I’m not just typing talking to myself. 
8. Being able to say “no” and not feel guilty about it.
9. “I Want To Work for Diddy” on VH1.  Yes, I’m digging the show. I said I wasn’t going to watch another reality show but hey, a woman is allowed to change her mind
10. Prince’s upcoming book “21 Nights.” It’s coming out just in time for my birthday (hint hint).

Thanks PrincessDominique for the meme idea.

I am going to list three categories of books. 5 MUST Read Books, 5 Books on Your Nightstand, and 5 Look For These Soon. Keeping with the theme, I am going to tag at least 5 bloggers. They should put these same lists on their blog but SUBTRACT one book from each list and ADD one of their own. Then they should tag at least 5 more bloggers. It will be fun to see how the lists change as it goes around the blogosphere. Please come back to this post and leave a comment so I can see how the lists are changing as they go around the blogosphere. Since this is Book Buzz…please keep your lists to titles released in 2007-2009.

5 MUST Read Books:
Them by Nathan McCall
Orange Mint and Honey by Carliss Brice
Yellow Moon by Jewell Parker Rhodes
Conception by Kalisha Buckhanon                   

NoWhere is a Place by Bernice McFadden

5 Books on the Nightstand:
Song Yet Sung by James McBride
From Harvey River by Lorna Goodison
Stand the Storm by Breena Clarke
Trading Dreams at Midnight by Dianne McKinney Whetstone

Once Upon a Project by Bettye Griffin

5 Look For These Soon:
House at Sugar Beach by Helen Cooper
Midnight: A Gangster Love Story by Sister Souljah
Red Light, Green Light by Margaret Johnson-Hodge
Red Light Special by Risque

In the Night of the Heat by Blair Underwood, Tananarive Due, & Steven Barnes

I was tagged by Yasmin.

The bloggers I’m asking to post the lists (and make one book-for-book change to each list if they wish):
Gwyneth

Princess Dominique

Don

Angelia

Peggy

Have fun & don’t forget to leave a comment and let me know when your list is completed.

I have a guest post over on Romance Junkies.

Go check it out: http://www.romancejunkies.com/rjblog/?p=303

A lot has happened this week. Thought you all could use a good laugh. This dude does a great Denzel Washington impersonation. 

It’s the weekend y’all!!!

Create Your Own Countdown

If you’re a regular visitor you know I’m doing some self reflection during this count down or as I say to friends - count up to 40. What better way to start off my first edition of “Thursday Thirteen” by listing 13 things I’ve learned over the last 39 years.  I’ve learned more but for the sake of space, I’ll just stick with 13 for now (smile).

1.  God is love. His grace and mercy has been abundant in my life. He’s saved me and protected me–even when I didn’t know I needed protection.  

2.  People will treat you how you allow them to treat you.

3.  Trying to live a life without regrets is hard.

4. Learning how to forgive is easy when you realize how much Our Father in Heaven forgives our multitude of sins.

5.  You can be too nice. We are to treat each other with respect, but we are not to let someone use us. 

6. Pampering oneself isn’t selfish. Everybody needs a little “me” time.

7.  Pursue dreams now because later is not promised to us.

8. It’s okay to say “NO.”

9.  Being single isn’t the end of the world.

10. Being married doesn’t guarantee happiness.

11. Being childless doesn’t matter when you have nieces, nephews and little cousins. 

12.  Internalizing feelings can be harmful to your health.

13.  Celebrate life - because each day is a gift!!!

This song expresses how I feel. I’m wiser, stronger and better …well listen to the song for yourself

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

People need to stop taking out what someone else did to them on other people.

From reading blog comments on other blogs it seems that a lot of people are holding on to grudges because someone of the opposite sex did them wrong. Three words of advice - LET IT GO.

Since I’m on this reflection quest as I approach another year,

Picture viewer | Hot Bounce

I’ll use a past situation from my past for an example. I haven’t always been the calm and sweet woman I am now. I admit there are times when I might slip back into that I don’t give a f*** mode because some man I’ve encountered is showing me that he’s full of BS.

Now where was I. When my ex-boyfriend showed his a** and hurt me beyond words it took me a minute (okay more than minute) but eventually I had to let go of the anger and move on. Before I let go of the anger, I  was hard on men. I allowed my built up frustrations to be taken out on unsuspecting men. If the guy didn’t do exactly what I wanted, he could hang it up. The new guy didn’t stand a chance. I eventually got over my anger and became the loving and kind woman that I am today:

•    one who doesn’t settle for less than I deserve (It’s important to know your worth…another blog topic)
•     one whose tolerance for B.S. is nil, but yet
•     one who can appreciate a good man who has respect for women

If you live long enough you’re going to experience some things–good and bad. I don’t know one person above the age of 18 that doesn’t have baggage. It’s what you decide to do with that baggage that matters. Are you going to let it weigh you down? Are you going to put it to the side and keep on moving? Whatever a person decides to do, in order to move on and be happy with self and the opposite sex, Letting Go is a must.

I think I’ll take y’all back in time with this old school track from Teddy Pendergrass - LOVE TKO.

This is one of my favorite tracks by Keyshia Cole - LET IT GO.

 1957-2008

I love to laugh but can’t tell a joke if you gave me the punch line. As I get older, I’m trying to enjoy life more–which includes laughing more. One man who could always make me laugh whenever I watched him in stand up or in a movie was Bernie Mac.  His laughter will be missed. 

Here are a few clips from some of Bernie Mac performances.

Warning: some profanity

This is a clip of Bernie Mac from The Kings of Comedy tour.

This is Bernie Mac talking about bad kids.

This is a clip of Bernie Mac from Friday.

This is a clip of Bernie Mac from House Party 3.

If you watched How to Be a Player, you probably remember this scene with Bernie Mac.

Read the LA Times article about Bernie Mac by clicking here.

Birthday Countdowns from 123mycodes.com As I get older my tolerance for players is nil. This is something I wrote years ago.

You Played Yourself
by Shelia M. GossYou thought your game was tight
You were on top of your game
Couldn’t nobody tell you nothing
You knew you were the man.

You got caught up in the heat
And you acted like you didn’t care
But when the sh** hit the fan
You couldn’t do nothing but beg.

See homie, I got three words for ya
You Played Yourself

You played so hard,
You got lost in the shuffle.
Thought you were getting over
But you fooled yourself

You made your bed, now lie in it.
The grass not greener over there now is it?

See homie, you gots to go
No time for the drama
No time for the lies
Just pack your bags
And please stop that crying

Surprise, a hard core man like you
Begging, and crying, and singing the blues

Well baby, no hard feelings
I just got hip to the game.

Now I’m the queen pen and you just got played.

Today begins my celebration countdown to 40. 

Birthday Countdowns from 123mycodes.com

Today I’m addressing something that I’ve read on several blogs lately. There are some Black men who are quick to label Black women as an ABW (Angry Black Women).

ABW Speaks Out
By Shelia M. Goss

Why do you call me an angry Black woman
When you’re the one constantly trying to break me down to build yourself up?
Why do you call me an angry Black woman?
Is it because I demand respect and won’t accept your disrespectful actions?
Why do you call me an angry Black woman?
Is it because when you fall, I’m the one there to help you back up?
Why do you call me an angry Black woman?
Is it because you’re an angry Black man refusing to look at your own reflection
and not taking responsibility for your own actions?
Black man you know more than anyone else how we love you.
We adore you. We appreciate the uniqueness that’s all about you.
So before you jump to call a Black woman angry–check yourself first.